Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Report: Obama Would Not Have Killed bin Laden Were U.S. Economy Booming



Washington - An advisor close to President Obama admitted today that the Commander in Chief would have refused to authorize the assassination of Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden had the U.S. economy been stronger, Underneath Politics has learned. "With gas prices approaching five-dollars and unemployment continuing to skyrocket, President Obama desperately needed a boost. Though ordering the killing of bin Laden would obviously provide such a rise in the poles, Mr. Obama still got a solid eight-hours of shuteye before deciding to send in the Seals," said the advisor on the condition of anonymity because he is not authorized to speak on the matter. "Had the president possessed excess political capital, he would have used it to convince the American people that going from room to room executing unarmed individuals is unpatriotic and that an OBL trial in New York would be so exciting everyone would forget about the O.J. Simpson trial. The O.J. Simpson murder trial that is; everyone has already forgotten about the trial that led to Mr. Simpson's current incarceration," the Obama minion said. "Had his predecessor ordered a similar mission, do you really think then-Senator Obama would have shouted, 'Attaboy, Georgie!?' Usually when people champion tactics they've spent their entire careers campaigning against, there is an underlying motivation," the advisor finished. 

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